


Attachment

by kyaappucino



Series: Demi/Pan [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Demisexual Character, M/M, Pansexual Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaappucino/pseuds/kyaappucino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t want to be one of the many bodies Hakyeon has touched, meaningless and forgotten. He wanted more than that. He's terrified at the thought of falling for Hakyeon, but it happens anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Hey there. This is the second part of the Demi/Pan series. Somehow I was a little terrified of posting this...? Agh. Hits closer to home, I guess. And I would like to apologize in advance if Hakyeon seems a little...vague. There are parts of this that I'm not ready to face yet, it seems.

Taekwoon doesn’t allow himself to get _too_ attached to people. It’s safer to let them look into glimpses of his heart without seeing the entire picture. So when he finds himself staring at Hakyeon, he wonders how the elder does it.

Hakyeon’s feelings are worn not only on his sleeve, but on his entire body. Each smile from his lips makes his eyes crinkle with joy or scrunch with pain. And when Hakyeon touches, he does so with the same sensuality as he dances. Taekwoon doesn’t miss a beat; he sees how Hakyeon gently strokes the inside of Minhyuk’s wrist with one of his fingers, laughing at something Minhyuk has said. Minhyuk keeps talking but one of his hands is on Hakyeon’s shoulder, his smile far too warm to be considered as platonic.

Much later, Taekwoon’s eyes take in how carefully Hakyeon spins Minah around as she laughs with mirth, slow dancing with her in the practice room while the others take a break. The others are glad for her playful interruption, a welcome distraction from the weight of improvement and the constant struggle to attain perfection, to be the Vixx that could always make their Starlights proud.

They didn’t know how to reciprocate the awards or the gifts or the well-wishes any other way.

+

It wasn’t at all unusual for their leader to express affection through touch. God knows, he touched nearly all of them whenever he could.

Hakyeon would embrace Sanhyuk while the younger tried to wriggle out of his hold, half-amused. Whenever Wonshik fell asleep in his studio after a long day, it was Hakyeon’s fingertips who would dance around his collarbones until Wonshik woke up, waving them away. Hongbin’s cheek was gently stroked when Hakyeon bid him goodnight, and it was Hakyeon who would playfully wrestle with Jaehwan on their off days.

Hakyeon’s hands spoke more than his mouth sometimes, but it was in a language Taekwoon didn’t care for. It appalled him, really, how Hakyeon could poke and prod and stroke at someone else’s skin without feeling entirely overwhelmed. The feeling of his hands exploring the planes and curves of skin that covered the muscles and wrapped around the very core of a person, and that person trusting enough to let you touch–it was one of the most terrifying and breathless feelings Taekwoon had ever known.

So when those dark, strong fingers reach out for him, Taekwoon stiffens. He lets Hakyeon know that it isn’t welcome, the way he smiles at Taekwoon and gently grasps his arm. Hakyeon’s smile does strange things to Taekwoon, makes his stomach turn and makes his tongue wrap itself around his throat, so Taekwoon can’t say anything except “I need to go,” when it all gets too much.

He doesn’t want those fingers touching him–Taekwoon is sure he doesn’t want the feeling of those fingers imprinting themselves onto Taekwoon’s heart, the way wet clay retains the prints of all who has touched it, until it dries.

He doesn’t want to be one of the many bodies Hakyeon has touched, meaningless and forgotten.

But the moment he got used to Hakyeon’s touches and hugs, he knew it was only a matter of time. 

+

“Good morning.” Taekwoon is bewildered when he opens his eyes, and Hakyeon is sitting crosslegged on his mattress, holding a steaming cup of coffee in between his fingers. “This is yours.” It felt surreal, almost as if he was in one of their MVs. He sits up and reaches for the coffee cup and when their fingers touch, it’s almost too much for Taekwoon to bear. 

Hakyeon’s fingers are gentle and he doesn’t try anything–doesn’t try to playfully grab at Taekwoon’s digits. He knows better now, and it warms Taekwoon’s heart knowing that Hakyeon cared enough to remember the little things about him, about how he felt about touch. 

Blinking away the remnants of sleep from his eyes, he lifts the cup to his mouth and drinks up, delighting in the fresh taste of caffeine as it surges through his veins, waking him up. “Thank you,” he says softly, looking straight at Hakyeon. His leader’s cheeks are dusted with pink and he supposes it’s from the light streaming through their bedroom window. Taekwoon is relaxed and he almost doesn’t mind Hakyeon’s hand stroking his hair, affectionately–like a mother would to a child. Without meaning to, he leans into the older man’s touch.

_It’s just because he brought me coffee_ , Taekwoon thinks. He definitely doesn’t enjoy the feeling of Hakyeon carding fingers through his hair.

“Where are the others?” 

“They went out–just you and me here today.” Hakyeon stops stroking Taekwoon’s hair and asks softly, “Can I lean on your shoulder for awhile?”

He’s in such a good mood that he nods, allowing Hakyeon to rest his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder. “Thanks. I’ve been so tired lately.” As he shifts his weight to get more comfortable, the smell of Hakyeon’s fruity body wash clings to him, and it makes him feel dizzy and light-headed; almost drunk.

He’s so distracted that he almost misses the way one of Hakyeon’s hands wraps around his waist, and suddenly there’s a warm hand on his hip, stroking the bone affectionately. 

By now, Taekwoon was used to Hakyeon’s hugs but not this–this is entirely new and he’s not ready for it yet. It wasn’t overly unpleasant though–maybe _because_  they were alone, and it was Hakyeon.

He gulps and tries to concentrate on the bitter, chocolate scent of his coffee.

The mixed assault to his senses are warm and welcoming, and for Taekwoon, it seems like a perfect morning.

Which is why his first instinct is to drain his coffee cup and say gently, “Hakyeon…I’ll go and cook us breakfast.” There’s a soft whine that makes its way out of Hakyeon’s mouth and with great reluctance, the hand disappears from Taekwoon’s hip and the ever-cheerful leader yawns and stands up from the mattress. Hakyeon stretches his arms out and his sleeping shirt rides up just a little, exposing a strip of tan skin. 

Taekwoon pretends his breath isn’t knocked out of him and leaves Hakyeon to fold up the mattresses, his mouth set into his signature poker face.

Why did Hakyeon have to be so determined?

+

When Taekwoon’s feet pad out of the bedroom and down into the kitchen, that’s the only time he lets out a shaky breath, trying to calm his heart down. He and Hakyeon were friends. Lifelong friends–isn’t that the name Hakyeon put down for him on his phone?

This was why he hated getting close to people. It didn’t happen often, but the chance to fall in love with them was always there. He hadn’t felt this since he was nineteen, and rejected by the girl he cared about, very much so. His face was much too cold, stoic–she said quietly. She’d been scared that he would have hurt her over the smallest thing.

It hurt because she had been so patient the whole time, until he considered opening up to her, fully. The moment he’d confessed however, she just rejected him, and gradually he stopped responding to her gentle touches, her hugs. She was still his first love and he would always consider her as such. 

After that, he knew it would be awhile before he would allow anyone else to touch, to breach so far into him as she had.

Then Hakyeon crashed into his life, optimistic and doling out a pocketful of sunshine to anyone who gazed at him. Hakyeon had been so patient, gently coaxing Taekwoon out of his shell. Hakyeon, so supportive and kind.

The only problem was this was the same Hakyeon who snuck out in the middle of the night and came back smelling like someone else’s perfume.

+

Still, maybe his feelings didn’t need to go anywhere. Taekwoon reaches into the fridge and gently whisks together some milk and eggs, and smiles when he spots a package of cheese. Shredded cheese on eggs sounded pretty good right about now.

Hakyeon touches a lot of people, and…well. Maybe the way he touched Taekwoon this morning was just one of them. The main vocalist reassures himself that Hakyeon was just being his usual friendly self, ignoring the pang in his heart. Somehow he didn’t like thinking of the people that Hakyeon sees at night. He remembers each moment because every time the leader returns to their shared bedroom, he smells of smoke and musk and _other people_.

Despite the fact that Taekwoon’s heart is sinking into the universe that is Hakyeon, he tries to pull it back, reminds himself that Hakyeon is the sort of man that loves everyone and everything–he’s expressed it well enough in the way he steals kisses from Minhyuk (Taekwoon saw them on the way back from the grocery store) or the way his hand slides, teasingly, down Minah’s sides as he bids her goodnight. 

He wonders if Hakyeon kisses them, touches them in the same way as he touches Taekwoon. He wonders if Minhyuk likes Hakyeon’s cuddles, or if Minah blushes when Hakyeon’s lips press against the smooth planes of her cheek. He wonders if they mean anything to Hakyeon.

He wants to ask, but he also doesn’t want to know the answer.

+

“What’re you making?” Hakyeon’s voice cuts through Taekwoon’s reverie and he says smoothly, “Omelettes…do you want cheese on yours?” He’s had a shower, and changed into a black shirt and skinny jeans. “Ooh, we have cheese? Make sure to add lots please, Taekwoonie.” He tries to add cuteness to his request by making a _bbuing bbuing_ face, to which the younger man replies to with a soft chuckle, looking away. “You know that doesn’t work on me.” 

He adds more cheese than usual anyway, knowing that it would make Hakyeon smile. “Wah! Thanks Taekwoonie. Your cooking’s the best~” 

“I…” Taekwoon is at a loss for words and says quietly, “…it’s just eggs…” The blush spreads across his face and Hakyeon chuckles, affectionately patting Taekwoon’s cheek. “Aw, did I embarrass you? Sorry, sorry. Ah, Taekwoonie’s so cute!” That earns him a swift kick under the table and Hakyeon laughs, evading it easily.

As both of them wash the dishes, Taekwoon tries not to think about Hakyeon’s warmth, or Hakyeon’s hugs. It seemed unreal that just a few months ago he would have done anything to get away from Hakyeon and his arms, those arms that seemed to want to touch and stroke and hold every person it could reach.

And now…he just wants to be held by them. Wants to _ask_ if he can be held by them. He mentally makes it a point to hang out with Hongbin or Wonshik later in the day, fearing for the worst if they get any closer.

_Fuck_.


End file.
